Jerome is the President of the American Geographical Society, and his passion for geography is unfathomable. The only information that I have retained from his class, besides the image of the house his parents conceived him in, was about the Tsavo Maneaters.  The wikipedia article and Dobson’s stories differ slightly, but I prefer to rest my faith in Dobson, because I love his love for the truth and for geography.  Anyways, the story goes like this:

Right around 1900 ad some railroad workers were working on the Kenya-Uganda Railway.  Little did the helpless workers know that they were being stalked by two maneless male lions!  In the night these two maneless male lions, named the Tsavo Maneaters, would kill the men while they sleeped, drag them back to their den, and licked their skin off, drink their blood, then eat them.  The workers even started building thorn fences but the lions managed to somehow crawl through them.  According to Jerome that is.  These maneless male lions eventually killed 135 of the workers before they got caught and killed.  Engr. Lt. Col. John Henry Patterson is the man who finally tracked and killed the wild beasts.

This wild tale has also been the basis of a major hollywood film, titled The Ghost and the Darkness.  The name comes from what the locals had named the two lions, one was the Ghost and the other was the Darkness, and I am still trying to figure out how they could tell them apart.  The movie, made in 1996, stared Val Kilmer, and won an Oscar for Sound Editing.  So even though I haven’t seen it personally, I am willing to bet that it is exceptional.

Here is a picture of the dead and stuffed lions:

If you don’t remember…well, it was awesome.

The exact same situation happened in Dublin or some place a few weeks ago (minus Brendan Fraser and the mummy monsters).  A double-decker bus drove under a low hanging tree branch, and, well…here…

I guess the driver forgot he was pulling double-decker duty today.  BUS CRASH

If no one was hurt: Aww yeah that’s awesommmme.

A more awesome, more sweet, more bodacious guy has come into the mix.  And he looks like this:

This is Mr. Rob Awesome.  He’s sporting a killer six pack, manly pecs, a bottle of Grey Goose, an ace of spades in his bandana, a gun in his underwear, a new issue of Star magazine, and lots of shiny bling.  This is the most awesome picture ever taken of a person.  He has pursed his lips together as if to say “Yeah, I know.  What are you going to do about it?”  The pursing of the lips is usually an effeminate action executed by partying college girls for Facebook pictures, but Rob Awesome has taken it and turned it into something manly.

This is Mr. Rob Awesome’s car.  It is awesome.

This is his other awesome car.

This is him thinking about how awesome his Transformers motorcycle is.

Rob Awesome is awesome.  I think I am going to start dressing like him (I will save money on shirts!).  I’ll need a gun too.

These are pictures of the winners of the 2007 World Mustache Championship.  Enjoy.

The pictures are from The Handlebar Club

This is what I tried to do during No-Shave November but I failed miserably.

- jack

A while ago I posted a picture of the awesome Bacon Quilt, the manliest meal ever created.  Well, the Bacon Quilt is now the second manliest meal ever made, because something even manlier came around.

Bacon Sushi.

I can’t wait to try this myself.  Stay tuned for some updates.

- jack

This display of patriotism tops all the rest.  It’s a truck.  An American man’s truck.  The ultimate love-for-the-country inducing truck that makes you shed a tear for how great America is.

I pledge allegiance to the Badass Truck of America.

Notice the guy wearing the wolf shirt above.

This truck represents what America is all about.  God bless us, every one!

But no one could see this one coming.

This is the Quadruple Bypass Burger, served at the one and only Heart Attack Grill in Chandler, Arizona.  Some sources have reported this baby of having up to 3,000 or more calories.  I’m getting hungry just looking at it.

The Heart Attack Grill’s website is awesome and really shows that they don’t care that their food is unhealthy.  They offer a pack of cigarettes with every meal.  The restaurant is also themed like a doctor’s office, and the waitresses dress up as nurses.

I found all these photos on some weird foreign website.  Apparently the Heart Attack Grill is a hit in a lot of countries that are not America.  They probably think all American restaurants are like this.

Unfiltered cigarettes with every meal.

I think the men that eat here try to finish an entire Quadruple Bypass Burger to impress the nurses.  There is no better way to win a girl’s heart than to eat two day’s worth of calories in one meal.

Let’s look at a diagram of the Quadruple Bypass Burger.

It looks good, and my only complaint is that there isn’t enough bacon on it.

Everything at the Heart Attack Grill is fried in 100% pure lard.  Their fries aren’t called “french fries,” but insteand “flatliner fries.”

For more pictures, you can visit the Heart Attack Grill’s official photo page.  The crowd at this place is typically composed of white, middle-aged, overweight males, and the occasional teenager who thinks eating unhealthy food is awesome (me).

The restaurant has been featured on various news outlets for being so unhealthy.  The Fox News interview is definitely my favorite.  Here is Dr. Jon, the owner of the Heart Attack Grill.

A taste worth dying for indeed.

At least I don’t think I am.  I probably am though.

I am Jack Brungardt.  Also known as the man of one thousand faces.  Lon Chaney was a fake.

Dork Productions was founded back in the spring of 2002.  It was a simpler time back then.  I was only thirteen years old, and gas cost a nickel a gallon.  People didn’t lock their front doors, and taking a girl to the movies would only put you down a total of eight dollars, and that includes the popcorn.

I have been interested in all aspects of film production since that spring of 2003.  I’ve been filming movies for school, for fun, and for contests for years.  You know, just like every other film production major.

I enjoy things that are awesome.  Like firedancers, World’s Wildest Police Videos, Clive Owen, and plays on words.

I am attending the Dodge College of Film and Media Arts at Chapman University in Orange, California.  A long way from my hometown of Overland Park in Kansas.

I enjoy Betty Crocker fruit snacks.  I also like eating chocolate milkshakes whenever I get the opportunity.  I ate one in five seconds once.

commonly asked questions

Some people have questions for me.  So I will answer some.

Question: What is your email?

Answer:  I can be contacted at various email.  I would try either insovietrussia@gmail.com or brung100@mail.chapman.edu .

Question: How did you come up with the name “Dork Productions?”

Answer:  I don’t know.

Question: What was the first movie you guys ever made?

Answer:  That would be The Organ Project, a parody of the movie Fantastic Voyage.  It was for my seventh grade Science class.  It was awful by today’s standards of course.

Question: Where did you learn to make such awesome movies?

Answer:  Largely self-taught until going in to college.  During freshmen year of high school, my Film/Television teacher gave me a much needed lesson in the rudiments of filmmaking.  Then the next three years were spent developing these skill and now I’m in college.

Question: What is your favorite movie?

Answer:  It changes on a daily basis.  On one day it could be 2001, on another it could be The Departed, or perhaps The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.  Or Paper Moon.

Question: I think that you are really cool.

Answer:  This isn’t really a question, but thank you.

Lots of friends have helped me out through the years.

And they probably know who they are.  I would post their pictures but I’m still figuring out formatting for the website.

If you are interested in hiring me for anything, please do.

]]> http://dorkprofilms.com/blog1/about-dork-productions/feed/ 0 http://dorkprofilms.com/blog1/the-bacon-quilt/ http://dorkprofilms.com/blog1/the-bacon-quilt/#comments Mon, 05 Jan 2009 07:06:19 +0000 Jack http://dorkprofilms.com/blog1/?p=103 A while ago while searching the internet for interesting bacon memorabilia, I discovered this:

Yes my friends, that is the Bacon Quilt.  Woven to perfection.  I can only imagine that it tastes similar to ambosia and nectar.

In the next few days I will be making my own.  I will update you guys.