Dork Productions

I was always one of those parallel universe theory haters.  I’m enough of an asshole already…to think that there could be more of me and double or triple the amount of assholeness is more mind blowing to me than string theory.  Science is for losers.

Of course, then something happened today that shattered my mind and made me reexamine my life.  Not only am I convinced now that there are parallel universes, but I believe that alternate realities are ongoing and exist on this very planet.

Wanting to satisfy my ego, I typed “dorkprofilms.com” into Google search, and I practiced my look of awe while the page was busy loading.  Should I open my mouth and drool?  Or perhaps blink rapidly as if trying to see a clearer picture?

I settled on a simple rub of the eyes and a moan of “oooh so many results!”  But then something happened.  The search page didn’t just load, it slapped me in the face.  And the look of shock on my face was actually genuine and not rehearsed.

What is this?  DARKprofilms.com?  What the hell is this?  I know that there is matter and dark matter, but this is just ridiculous!  Polar opposites of websites?  Is there a dark Yahoo?  A dark Youtube?  Earth is turning into bizarro world one website at a time.

My cursor hovered over the link for five minutes as I figured out the best course of action.  I prayed that I wouldn’t get sucked into a wormhole or turn into Quantum Leap or something, and I clicked the link.  What it took me to was a website with an even worse design than this one.  It’s a website run by UNC graduates who make movies.  It’s all backwards, I tells ya’!

On the front page of this “darkprofilms” is a quote:  Through the medium of film we seek to make our contribution to mankind.   You want to contribute to mankind?  How about you TRY NOT COPYING MY WEBSITE NAME!  Not only that, but their logo is FIRE.  That seems oddly similar to the Dork Productions bomb BLAST, doesn’t it?  Hmm.

I hid under my desk for a couple hours, thinking everything was about to turn into its dark polar opposite.  I was expecting the walls to turn into windows and the windows to turn into chairs.  Only when my roommate started shooting me with air soft pellets did I come out from hiding.

I hope this darkprofilms isn’t an accidental byproduct of the Large Hardron Collider.  I wouldn’t be surprised if it was.

Is this what people will look like in the future?

To make sure this never happens again, I went ahead and registered the domain names “dorkprofalms” and “dirkprefilms.”

That ought to show them.

- jack