Dork Productions » nonsense

Jack the Recession Expert on Japanese Television?

Jack — Wed, 06 May 2009 18:34:59 +0000

おろされる後退か。井戸はしかめ面を置いた! あなたのホストジャックによって、地面の両方のあなたのフィートを得ると私達が方法がに戻って見つけるので!

such a kawaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii day. Jack RECESSU export make on GREAT NIPPON terevission! watch and ENJOY! we learn so much about recessu from videeo. We learn arr about AMELICA!

Joking and racial stereotyping aside, my one-minute video Jack The Recession Expert did indeed make it onto Japanese television, and as far as I know I’m not a big celebrity over there. Perhaps one day I will make the journey across the Pacific to visit my nation of fans, or perhaps they will come to me.

Watch on Youtube

Jack’s picks for some of the strangest YouTube videos

Jack — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 04:29:46 +0000

It may seem like I spend every waking moment of my life on the internet. This assumption is actually true.

It may also seem like I enjoy unconventional videos. Videos about weird and crazy things that don’t make sense. This is not really true but sometimes it is.

So, I have decided to share with you some of the stranger videos I have found on YouTube. You may have seen some of them before, but I hope after watching them you will have discovered at least one new reason to weep for humanity.

Number One: How to grill steak without a grill

This is was put up by the user masaokis, and is just one in a long line of videos that offer helpful everyday tips. He does have some witty banter during the course of the video, but your real focus as a viewer should be put on the absolutely disgusting state of his apartment. I watched all eleven minutes of this with my face scrunched in disbelief. About halfway through I started laughing at how ridiculous it was. He literally lives in a dumpster. It is a dumpster with two bedrooms and a kitchen.

His other videos are just as good and I highly recommend them.

Number Two: The biggest advantage of the electric cigarette

Don’t ask me how I discovered this because I honestly do not remember.

This guy knew how to create a work of art. I think it is the culmination of the choice of music, his singing, the shaving cream on his face, and his reaction after inhaling the nicotine that makes this thing WORK. I love it.

Number Three: peanut butter man

I found this one when I was searching for peanut butter-related videos for my article on George Washington Carver.

I don’t know if this is some sex fetish I don’t know about, but something about it is oddly alluring. I assume there was a cameraman otherwise he would have gotten peanut butter all over his camera. And those chomping noises he’s making…AH.

Number Four: Iced Tea: That Magical Elixir

This video was actually deleted a few months ago, but some die hard fans were able to retrieve it from the Internet Recycle Bin and put it back up.

It’s a simple premise. The guy shows you all how to make a good iced tea. But..errr….just watch it.

Number Five: Weird Cartoon gives insight about reality

This video is differs from the others in that it is actually really dark and creepy and weird. Watch it with the lights off or something. I stumbled across this some time ago and it has never left my thoughts. Claymation by itself is creepy…you don’t have to bring demons into it!

Youtube Profiles that deserve some recognition for being strange

When I posted the videos A Fork in the Eye and We Tied Up Nathan a couple years ago, I didn’t realize it would attract people from underground S&M and choking societies. I have gotten numerous emails and video comments discussing how hot the choking in my videos is. Of course I was creeped out, but I also delved into this underground world of strangeness to investigate. Here are some of the stranger YouTube profiles I’ve encountered.

stranglingme

I found this guy through another guy named “PleaseBeQuiet” who friended me on YouTube after watching A Fork in the Eye. Unfortunately, PleaseBeQuiet deleted his profile (which consisted of nothing but movie clips of women getting strangled). Stranglingme, luckily, follows suit, and his videos consist of men wearing leather gloves strangling each other.

conradcigarspipes

This guy is awesome. He has over 6,500 videos of him smoking a pipe.

He rarely says anything, and when he does, it’s just the name of the video. All he does is smoke tobacco pipes! You should peruse the collection if you have time.

AlexanderRodchenko

This is the most puzzling YouTube channel I’ve ever come across. This guy has uploaded more that 24,000 videos, which has to be some sort of record.

The thing is, the videos aren’t really videos. They are just four minutes of solid color with a tone buzzing in the background.

Make sure your speakers aren’t on very loud.

Every single video is like this.

That is Logical Conclusion #26504. Personally I like Logical Conclusion #13007 better.

I figured it has to be a robot doing all of this nonsense. No person could do this. I hope.

Shoe Statues (especially in Iraq)

Jack — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 05:11:43 +0000

A lot of people thought it was awesome when Former President Bush reacted like a cat and dodged a shoe. A lot more people thought that the guy who threw the shoe was even more awesome.

I don’t know if you have seen this already, but the guy that threw the shoe is being honored in Saddam’s hometown of Tikrit. A Baghdad-based artist made a huge shoe statue out of copper and fiberglass as a tribute to the pride of the Iraqi people.

The shoe statue was taken down shortly, however, because in Iraq you aren’t supposed to display government property that has political bias.

The shoe statue intrigued me and I decided to search for more giant shoes.

I’m not quite sure what is going on in that picture.

This shoe-house playground thing is in India.

That’s kind of cool I guess.

This shoe is an actual full-sized house! It’s located in Hellam, Pennsylvania off of the Lincoln Highway if you ever want to visit.

This was really a strange update. Rather pointless.

Stay tuned for other stuff!

I Just Found the Most Awesome Guy Ever

Jack — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 00:12:22 +0000

Clint Eastwood is cool but he’s old. And racist. Clive Owen was cool for a while but now he’s just too British. Their time in the spotlight is over.

A more awesome, more sweet, more bodacious guy has come into the mix. And he looks like this:

This is Mr. Rob Awesome. He’s sporting a killer six pack, manly pecs, a bottle of Grey Goose, an ace of spades in his bandana, a gun in his underwear, a new issue of Star magazine, and lots of shiny bling. This is the most awesome picture ever taken of a person. He has pursed his lips together as if to say “Yeah, I know. What are you going to do about it?” The pursing of the lips is usually an effeminate action executed by partying college girls for Facebook pictures, but Rob Awesome has taken it and turned it into something manly.

This is Mr. Rob Awesome’s car. It is awesome.

This is his other awesome car.

This is him thinking about how awesome his Transformers motorcycle is.

Rob Awesome is awesome. I think I am going to start dressing like him (I will save money on shirts!). I’ll need a gun too.

Depressed Paul Bunyan #2

Jack — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 22:47:58 +0000

Paul Bunyan is a mythological lumberjack who appears in tall tales of American folklore. He is usually portrayed as a giant as well as a lumberjack of unusual skill. Because of his enormousness, he is usually very depressed.

Depressed Paul Bunyan is a comic strip drawn by Jack Brungardt every other other every weekday every every other month.

Depressed Paul Bunyan #1

Jack — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 04:13:53 +0000

Depressed Paul Bunyan is a comic strip drawn by Jack Brungardt every other other every weekday every every other month.

Creepy Wikipedia Articles

Jack — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 21:31:44 +0000

We’re are all guilty of getting sucked into the world of Wikipedia. You tell yourself you’ll only be on it for fifteen minutes, but then you end up spending three hours browsing articles about things no one has ever heard of.

Someone who got sucked into the Wikipedia world compiled a list of the creepiest articles ever. It has been floating around the internet fora while and I decided to spread it a little more and post it on this website.

There are enough creepy articles here to keep you busy for a couple of hours.

My personal favorite is the Arecibo Reply: The Arecibo reply was the name given to a crop circle that appeared in farmland next to the Chilbolton radio telescope; home to the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence Institute (SETI) in Hampshire, UK, on tuesday 21 August 2001. The design is so named because it appears to be a response to the Arecibo message, which SETI transmitted into space in 1974.

The List:

I hope you enjoy all that! It’s all definately worth reading.

- jack

Online Girlfriend

Jack — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 07:13:45 +0000

A man goes to meet his online girlfriend but runs into his secret admirer along the way.

I made this for my Directing 101 class. I filmed it in one day and it shows. It’s semi-entertaining I suppose. Don’t judge me by this video alone.

Thanks to Aleks, Michael, and Ryan (for the camera).

Watch on Youtube

A Cigar is Just a Cigar…or is it?

Jack — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 23:13:08 +0000

We’ve all seen those cheesy pamphlets the school counselors hand out at every given opportunity: ”How to say no to peer pressure” or “How to stop your bulimia” or “What to do if your dog gets rabies.” I usually pass these things off as a lame joke. I don’t need a folded piece of paper telling me what to do, no matter how many poorly drawn cartoons it contains.

However, the other day at the union there was a table set up with HUNDREDS of pamphlets, and the people working at this table yelled at me to come over and take some. ”Everyone else is taking free pamphlets!” the guy shouted at me, “so should you!” I giggled at the idea of these social workers using peer pressure to win me over and I quickly made my way over to see if there were any pamphlets funny enough to warrant an article on my website.

I was actually pretty disappointed, because a lot of the information was about rape, AIDS, or rape and AIDS combined. Those subjects don’t make for humorous blog entries. Luckily, after ten long seconds of searching I finally spotted a pamphlet that made my trip to the table worthwhile.

Exploding the myth: The Truth About Cigars. The cover is what sold me because it paints a very accurate picture of what a person looks like when they smoke a cigar. From what I saw, there were no pamphlets attacking cigarettes. Only cigars.

I’m going to hunt and peck out my favorite lines.

“TV, movies and magazines push cigars as one of life’s ‘finer pleasures.” What the heck is this? You don’t see hot celebrities on television ever smoking cigars, or anything for that matter. The only people you see smoking cigars on TV or in the movies are badass generals with eye patches who are fighting in a war and hungry for blood. Is this article suggesting that war is one of life’s finer pleasures?

“As you smoke, your heart rate and blood pressure increase.” This isn’t really a con. This happens if when you go running too. It’s a side effect from the nicotine which is a reason why people smoke cigars in the first place.

“Notice all the glamorous women in cigar ads?” I don’t remember seeing an ad for cigars ever in my entire life, let alone the glamorous women supposedly in these ads.

“Do you like what you see? Is this how you want others to see you?” Cigars are manly and make you look cool. This is a scientific fact proven in many different science laboratories. Sixty percent of the time, you look awesome all the time.

“Secondhand smoke can give you and the ones you love coughs, cold, sore throats, even cancer.” Probably 90% of the time you see someone smoking a cigar it’s an old guy sitting in a rocking chair on his porch by himself. Let the old man do what he wants, he’s not hurting anyone.

It just occurred to me that the cigar smokers featured in this pamphlet are all African-American. WHAT WERE THE MAKERS TRYING TO GET AT?

- jack