Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Who will win: Kyle, Ryan, or Jack?
Leaving three guys alone with a carbonated beverage is never a good
idea. We were all bored. I mean, at first, a chugging contest
sounded like a good idea.
idea. We were all bored. I mean, at first, a chugging contest
sounded like a good idea.
Mendota Sparkling Water. It may very well be the worst tasting drink
in the planet. This stuff is so awful it makes my tongue retreat down my
throat just thinking about it. It's a mixture of two things: water, and
some carbon crap. Notice how I did not mention any lemon flavoring.
That is because, despite the front of can says, there is no lemon flavor at
all. It's just water with bubbles. It doesn't sound too god awful, but the
people over at Mendota royally screwed this drink up some how.
in the planet. This stuff is so awful it makes my tongue retreat down my
throat just thinking about it. It's a mixture of two things: water, and
some carbon crap. Notice how I did not mention any lemon flavoring.
That is because, despite the front of can says, there is no lemon flavor at
all. It's just water with bubbles. It doesn't sound too god awful, but the
people over at Mendota royally screwed this drink up some how.
And in the right corner, wearing a snazzy little shirt, is none
other than Jack Brungardt. In the left corner, smiling devilishly at
his opponent, is the one and only Ryan Orwig. And in the middle,
getting furiously pumped for the chugging to come, is Kyle
Kimura.
We each had our own strategy to win this little contest. Ryan
was to just gulp it down and not think about it, while Kyle was to
stick Cheez-its into everyone else's drinks to make it taste worse.
Mine, on the other hand, was to chew on my tongue furiously,
so that my tongue would be numb and bleeding and I wouldn't
be able to taste anything.
3, 2, 1, GO!
other than Jack Brungardt. In the left corner, smiling devilishly at
his opponent, is the one and only Ryan Orwig. And in the middle,
getting furiously pumped for the chugging to come, is Kyle
Kimura.
We each had our own strategy to win this little contest. Ryan
was to just gulp it down and not think about it, while Kyle was to
stick Cheez-its into everyone else's drinks to make it taste worse.
Mine, on the other hand, was to chew on my tongue furiously,
so that my tongue would be numb and bleeding and I wouldn't
be able to taste anything.
3, 2, 1, GO!
And they're off.
The thing about this poison is that the taste doesn't kick in
until a few seconds later. As you can see, we're about five
seconds into the match, and everything looks as if it is all
right. Kyle's really chugging that stuff down.
The thing about this poison is that the taste doesn't kick in
until a few seconds later. As you can see, we're about five
seconds into the match, and everything looks as if it is all
right. Kyle's really chugging that stuff down.
And this, my friends, is where everything went wrong.
I'm actually still going strong at this point. I'm still drinking away like
there's actually something at stake. The taste was awful. The taste
was really horrible. But there is one thing that tastes sweeter, and
that is the taste of victory. That's what I was aiming for.
Kyle on the other hand, I'm not quite sure what went wrong with him.
Maybe he was just chugging that stuff too fast, I don't know. But as
you can see, he's just spitting all the sparkling water out of his mouth
and into the sink. Well, actually, into the counter. He missed the sink
by a mile.
And I'm not sure where the heck Ryan went. He's not anywhere in
that picture. Maybe that man just got too scared of the challenge
and ran off to hide from us.
I'm actually still going strong at this point. I'm still drinking away like
there's actually something at stake. The taste was awful. The taste
was really horrible. But there is one thing that tastes sweeter, and
that is the taste of victory. That's what I was aiming for.
Kyle on the other hand, I'm not quite sure what went wrong with him.
Maybe he was just chugging that stuff too fast, I don't know. But as
you can see, he's just spitting all the sparkling water out of his mouth
and into the sink. Well, actually, into the counter. He missed the sink
by a mile.
And I'm not sure where the heck Ryan went. He's not anywhere in
that picture. Maybe that man just got too scared of the challenge
and ran off to hide from us.
Yes, even the mighty fall. The taste is finally getting to
me...it begins to spill out of my mouth only Kyle, whose
head happened to be in the sink.
Ryan's still not anywhere to be seen.
me...it begins to spill out of my mouth only Kyle, whose
head happened to be in the sink.
Ryan's still not anywhere to be seen.
I finally had to take a short break from drinking. Kyle, on the
other hand, decides to be a brave soul and drink some more.
There was no chance in hell I was going to let him beat me, so
I picked up my can and began doing some serious chuggage.
And it seems Ryan decided to come back...only to spit an
unknown substance into the sink.
other hand, decides to be a brave soul and drink some more.
There was no chance in hell I was going to let him beat me, so
I picked up my can and began doing some serious chuggage.
And it seems Ryan decided to come back...only to spit an
unknown substance into the sink.
This looks like a familiar scene, doesn't it? The best part about
this picture is you can see Kyle spitting the sparkling lemon water
right onto Ryan's head.
At this point we all began to realize that maybe no one is going to
win.
this picture is you can see Kyle spitting the sparkling lemon water
right onto Ryan's head.
At this point we all began to realize that maybe no one is going to
win.
Ah yeah. Here I am winning the chugging contest. I took my last
few sips and slammed the can down. I then yelled repeatedly about
how much better I was than they were for about an hour.
few sips and slammed the can down. I then yelled repeatedly about
how much better I was than they were for about an hour.
| So, I, Jack Brungardt, had one the chugging contest. The losers, Ryan and Kyle, ran off to sulk or something, I'm not quite sure. But what I am sure about is that I am the ultimate sparkling water chugger, and that everyone else is inferior to me. And I can safely say that victory tastes much better than that sparkling water crap. |
"...a little bit of everything"
