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My Favorite Diary of All-Time,
Wow it sure has been a while. Once again, I am being asked to write another diary
entry by the man. All I can say is stick it to the man. I hate writing these things,
especially when I am being held captive. I haven't been fed for days and I fear that I will
soon be used for child labor, and be forced to sew wallets. Wallet making is a very
simple process actually. Especially when you make them out of duct tape. First, unroll
your Duct Tape, leaving the sticky side up and measure and cut a 22-cm length. This is
piece A. Cut a second 22 cm length (we’ll call this piece B) and lay it sticky side down,
half way up piece A. Now, fold A over B.
STEP TWO: Now, flip your piece of Duct Tape over. You now have a sticky side
exposed again. Cut a third 22 cm strip (piece C) and lay it sticky side down covering
only the sticky part of piece B. Turn that over and piece C now has a sticky side
exposed. Guess what? You’re going to want to cover that sticky side with piece D (22
cm long). Repeat this with 4 more pieces - you should have used 8 in total.
When you get to your last piece (piece H or 8), fold the sticky side down. Your
sheet of Duct Tape will now measure between 15.5 cm to 17 cm x approximately 22
cm. Trim along your sides now to make them even but don’t let the length go below 21
cm.
Gosh dang! It seems that the overseers have come and are commanding me to
work. I cannot write anymore. Go to http://www.banderasnews.com/howto/wallet.htm
for the remaing steps in the wallet making process.
Your Captive Friend,
Kyle
Entry 6 December 4, 2004 -
Dear Lovely Diary of Love,
Wow. What a day. That is, what an afternoon. The morning sort of sucked. But
the afternoon, my friend, was a blast. It was one of those afternoons that makes you
feel you could die any instant and your life would not have been wasted. Yes, my
friends, I could not have wished for a better afternoon. You all should have called me,
and I would have had you spend the afternoon with me, because you would have had
fun too. All in all, the perfect day, except the morning sucked.
Sincerely,
Kyle Kimura (what a day!)
Entry 5 September 9, 2004-
My Diary of Compassion,
Today was horrible! Horrible indeed! Apparently, today was Pirate Day at school,
but I didn't know. So when I arrived there this morning and saw all the pirates walking
around saying such things as "Arg", "Shiver Me Timbers", and "Swab me poop deck" I
started to freak out. I was scared that they might try to tie me up and make me walk the
plank (or something worse like swabbing the poop deck.) I went to the office and told
them and apparently the pirates had taken control in there also so I ran home and here I
have been ever since.
Oh, and I bought a really nice pants suit.
Sincerely,
Kyle KimAARRRRRRa
Entry 4 August 11, 2004-
Greatest of Diaries.
Today was a fabulous day for me. Very, very fabulous. I went over to Nathan's
earlier in the day with a bunch of other people. We played a healthy game of
basketball. I was winning but then I got hit in my crotch and had to lay down for a few
minutes. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to have children. And then everyone and I went
over to my house and got in the pool. It was really fun! Everybody that's anybody was
there (Me, friends, a girl, a couple dogs.)!
We played sharks and minnows...everyone said that I should be the shark but I've
been scared of them ever since the accident so I convinced them I should be a
minnow. We also played that game that never gets old: 500. Then we all had what I
would call a hilarious belly flop contest. Ryan actually won, which I am not really
surprised about, since his large girth made a funny sound when he hit the water. He also
won the cannonball contest and made up a dive called the "Michael Jackson" (which
consists of diving off the diving board and while in the air grabbing your crotch and
yelling, "OOoooo!").
After that we had pizza and went inside and played some cards. Apparently, we were
playing poker, but I thought we were playing Go Fish the whole time. Oh well I still
won. Overall it was a great time. Fabulous indeed.
Love Always,
Kyle S. Kimura-Former Bellyflop Champion
Entry 3 July 19, 2004-
My lovely Diary.
Today was a blur to me. I can't remember much. All I know is I was running real fast
playing tag with some friends when a vampire or mummy or something attacked us. It
had to be atleast six feet tall (and it had a nice mustache I would love to touch). But that
is besides the point. It attacked us all, and I ended up spraining my ankle. Which sucks
because I am currently at a soccer tournament and I have to sit on the sideline and
watch. I am secretly making plans to murder all of my team, so that I will be the only
player left and the coach will have to make me play.
PS: The vampire mummy and I are pen pals now.
The one you love,
Stephen, Kyle Kimura
Entry 2 April 16, 2004-
Dearest Diary,
Today was not another typical school day. In the morning I realized that I had forgotten
to study for the world geography map test. So I studied while getting a ride from Jack
and then I studied again some more and more and more. Then I had a party in Latin and
I drank too much pop and was hyper for the rest of the day. It was really fun because I
brought my Frosted Flakes to share with everyone. I also took 3 more pops when
nobody was looking. Then after that I went on a field trip to the side of the highway in
Biology. Mrs.Alderson is freaking crazy, but the fieldtrip was actually kinda fun. Ben
Sojka threw a chocolate egg at a car while on the highway and it flew into the grill of the
car and was incinerated and then the car blew up and melted and everyone died. Then I
got better. The rest of the day was like normal exept for Cappucino day in the library.
We played pool and Jack sucks. I had hot chocolate. The rest of the day went normal.
Jack made the primaries along with Mike. I think that Mike might when, but if he dies
then perhaps Jack may have a fighting chance.
Yours Truly,
Kimura, Kyle Stephen
Entry 1 February 18, 2004-
Dear Diary,
Today was another typical school day. I dont really remember anything that happened in
my first two hours, but during my Latin hour I saw the god awful play, Footloose. They
couldn't dance, they couldn't sing, but of course when I got back to my next hour class,
my teacher, Mrs. Alderson (wacky hoe), was preaching to us about how great and
amazing it truly was. I wanted to freaking punch her in the face and then yell at her for
being such a moron. I truly think she is the most retarded teacher I have ever had. She is
the only teacher who can consistently manage to spell every known word in the
dictionary wrong after repeated criticism by me and the rest of the class. Yeah, the rest
of the day was about normal. Then me and Ryan came over to Jack's and had a
chugging contest and left. And that's been my day so far.
Love,
Kyle Stephen Kimura