"...a little bit of everything"
Night of the Demons - A Review 9/22/08
Halloween is almost upon us! The leaves are turning brown, K-Mart is displaying their cheaply made but very expensive slutty
nurse costumes, and the pumpkins are creeping their way out onto the porches. Yes, that feeling is in the air. You can smell it.
And this smell has put me in the mood to watch some cheesy B-Movies from the 1980s.
I looked online and read descriptions of maybe a hundred different movies, until I finally decided on this one: Night of the
Demons. With a mix of blood, boobs, and 80s dance breaks, it looked to be a great flick.
nurse costumes, and the pumpkins are creeping their way out onto the porches. Yes, that feeling is in the air. You can smell it.
And this smell has put me in the mood to watch some cheesy B-Movies from the 1980s.
I looked online and read descriptions of maybe a hundred different movies, until I finally decided on this one: Night of the
Demons. With a mix of blood, boobs, and 80s dance breaks, it looked to be a great flick.
Director Kevin Tenney directed this baby back in 1988, and it's just one of the many great films on his resume. His other movies
include Witchboard, Pinocchio's Revenge, and Brain Dead (not to be confused with Peter Jackson's Brain Dead). Witchboard is
actually in my queue to watch so it will be interesting to compare these movies and note his progression as a director.
Night of the Demons actually starts off with a pretty impressive animated title sequence, considering the year it was produced
and its budget. But unfortunately, after this five minute colorful sequence of names, the film goes downhill -- fast.
include Witchboard, Pinocchio's Revenge, and Brain Dead (not to be confused with Peter Jackson's Brain Dead). Witchboard is
actually in my queue to watch so it will be interesting to compare these movies and note his progression as a director.
Night of the Demons actually starts off with a pretty impressive animated title sequence, considering the year it was produced
and its budget. But unfortunately, after this five minute colorful sequence of names, the film goes downhill -- fast.
The movie kicks into gear by introducing us to Old Man...Jones? He's the local grumpy geezer who sits on his porch and yells at
kids for driving too fast. We catch him walking back from the grocery store with some treats for the trick-or-treaters: candy,
apples, and razor blades. Razor blades, Old Man Jones? Come on, these little kids aren't old enough to shave! But on a
serious note, everyone in town is a huge asshole to the old guy for some reason, so he decides to get revenge by sabotaging
apples and killing some innocent children.
We are left hanging from a cliff with this character arc however, because as soon as Old Man Jones returns to his house we
don't see him again until the end of the movie.
kids for driving too fast. We catch him walking back from the grocery store with some treats for the trick-or-treaters: candy,
apples, and razor blades. Razor blades, Old Man Jones? Come on, these little kids aren't old enough to shave! But on a
serious note, everyone in town is a huge asshole to the old guy for some reason, so he decides to get revenge by sabotaging
apples and killing some innocent children.
We are left hanging from a cliff with this character arc however, because as soon as Old Man Jones returns to his house we
don't see him again until the end of the movie.
"Whassa matta, you didn't hear what I said, bozo?" Just when I thought the colorful jargon of the '60s was about to die out, here
comes along a too-cool-for-school greaser to restore my faith back into humanity. This guy, whose name I can't remember (let's
just call him Johnny, pictured top-left), is a man who plays by nobody's rules, not even his own. He totally digs the hot blonde
chick, the protagonist of the movie, whose name I can't remember either (let's just call her Michelle). He's a troublemaker for
sure, and bribes Michelle's brother into telling him where the hopping Halloween Party is going to be held.
Then of course we have the token black guy, Roger, the token dumb ass, Stooge, and the token slut, Slutgirl (all pictured
top-right). Her name isn't actually Slutgirl.
And of course there is Michelle, the bodacious babe, the hottie heroine. Not only is she the star of the movie, but all the guys
are after her as well. Watch the clip below for some of the fine acting from her and her brother. Great dialogue, great character
development.
comes along a too-cool-for-school greaser to restore my faith back into humanity. This guy, whose name I can't remember (let's
just call him Johnny, pictured top-left), is a man who plays by nobody's rules, not even his own. He totally digs the hot blonde
chick, the protagonist of the movie, whose name I can't remember either (let's just call her Michelle). He's a troublemaker for
sure, and bribes Michelle's brother into telling him where the hopping Halloween Party is going to be held.
Then of course we have the token black guy, Roger, the token dumb ass, Stooge, and the token slut, Slutgirl (all pictured
top-right). Her name isn't actually Slutgirl.
And of course there is Michelle, the bodacious babe, the hottie heroine. Not only is she the star of the movie, but all the guys
are after her as well. Watch the clip below for some of the fine acting from her and her brother. Great dialogue, great character
development.
The dialogue does not improve. At all. If you look at this chart I made, you will see the actors' lines pretty much remain
consistently bad for the entire movie.
consistently bad for the entire movie.
Eventually all these colorful characters get together and make their way to HULL HOUSE, the town's haunted house. Apparently
the house used to be an old funeral home, and old coffins are scattered about the house. The teenagers break in and explore
for a little bit, and the creaking of their footsteps disturbs the demons that were sleeping in the basement. Ruh-oh! The bad
thing about this part of the movie is that as they wander around it is literally twenty minutes of them saying stupid stuff like "You
mean the owner used to bury the dead in the floorboards?" "Yes, Johnny! But the demons can't cross moving water!" Usually
there is a point to exposition like this (i.e. it comes back later in the movie), but no. In the case of Night of the Demons, they say
all this boring history stuff and then completely forget about it. There is no payoff! What gives, Kevin Tenney, what gives?
Oh well, now it's time...to party.
the house used to be an old funeral home, and old coffins are scattered about the house. The teenagers break in and explore
for a little bit, and the creaking of their footsteps disturbs the demons that were sleeping in the basement. Ruh-oh! The bad
thing about this part of the movie is that as they wander around it is literally twenty minutes of them saying stupid stuff like "You
mean the owner used to bury the dead in the floorboards?" "Yes, Johnny! But the demons can't cross moving water!" Usually
there is a point to exposition like this (i.e. it comes back later in the movie), but no. In the case of Night of the Demons, they say
all this boring history stuff and then completely forget about it. There is no payoff! What gives, Kevin Tenney, what gives?
Oh well, now it's time...to party.
And what a great freaking party it is! The budget for the movie didn't allow any room for use of copyrighted songs, but it did
allow for the director's roommate's friend's band to pop in a few singles! The whole gang bops around to some song that
sounds like it's from some cheap Disney knock-off of a Kids Bop album for adults. You understand me? The dance scene was
totally '80s, and lasted for ten minutes. So great.
Also I will make note here that the actual score to Night of the Demons consists only of synthesizers and keyboards. For those
that don't know, the presence of synthesizers and keyboards usually means the movie will rock shit. The cheaper the
soundtrack, the better the movie.
allow for the director's roommate's friend's band to pop in a few singles! The whole gang bops around to some song that
sounds like it's from some cheap Disney knock-off of a Kids Bop album for adults. You understand me? The dance scene was
totally '80s, and lasted for ten minutes. So great.
Also I will make note here that the actual score to Night of the Demons consists only of synthesizers and keyboards. For those
that don't know, the presence of synthesizers and keyboards usually means the movie will rock shit. The cheaper the
soundtrack, the better the movie.
So now we're forty minutes into the movie, and no one has died. And none of the girls have gotten naked. The producers
should have done a little more research on their target audience.
The conflict finally begins to come around when the weird gothic chick in the group finds a mirror and decides it's a good idea to
use it to summon demons. We the viewer know that this is NOT a good idea at all! They are in a house FILLED with demons!
Tsk tsk tsk.
The teenagers do their chant, or whatever the hell it is, and the invisible king demon flies around the room and possesses the
body of Slutgirl.
Slutgirl, being the slut that she is, decides the best way to spread the demon's presence from person to person is through
kissing. Finally some action! At forty-three minutes and fifteen seconds, we get some girl-on-girl mouth action. Maybe this
movie isn't so bad after all? No, no it's still really bad.
And at this point I start to get fuzzy as to what happens. All I remember is that the weird gothic chick tries to seduce Johnny with
a ten minute erotic '80s dance, and that Slutgirl tricks Stooge into having sex with her. The Slutgirl-Stooge sex scene is a key
part of the movie, because finally at fifty-two minutes, we see some boobs. And at an astounding fifty-five minutes, someone
FINALLY dies. That has got to be a record for a B-movie like this; usually I expect to see a death in the first five minutes.
should have done a little more research on their target audience.
The conflict finally begins to come around when the weird gothic chick in the group finds a mirror and decides it's a good idea to
use it to summon demons. We the viewer know that this is NOT a good idea at all! They are in a house FILLED with demons!
Tsk tsk tsk.
The teenagers do their chant, or whatever the hell it is, and the invisible king demon flies around the room and possesses the
body of Slutgirl.
Slutgirl, being the slut that she is, decides the best way to spread the demon's presence from person to person is through
kissing. Finally some action! At forty-three minutes and fifteen seconds, we get some girl-on-girl mouth action. Maybe this
movie isn't so bad after all? No, no it's still really bad.
And at this point I start to get fuzzy as to what happens. All I remember is that the weird gothic chick tries to seduce Johnny with
a ten minute erotic '80s dance, and that Slutgirl tricks Stooge into having sex with her. The Slutgirl-Stooge sex scene is a key
part of the movie, because finally at fifty-two minutes, we see some boobs. And at an astounding fifty-five minutes, someone
FINALLY dies. That has got to be a record for a B-movie like this; usually I expect to see a death in the first five minutes.
When the killing actually starts, the Night of the Demons gets really, really good. It's almost too good.
People having sex in a casket? You bet! It may be wrong, but this scene upped the boob tally to four, AND the guy got his arm
chopped off! Now that's what I call rough sex, hur hur hur. In all seriousness, I do not condone having sex in a casket.
Eventually Michelle, our brave heroine, and Roger the black guy are the only people left who aren't demons. Terrified, they try
to escape by running to the basement. I know that that's where I would go when trying to escape from a tornado...not so much
demons. Backed into a corner, they get a little creative with their self defense.
chopped off! Now that's what I call rough sex, hur hur hur. In all seriousness, I do not condone having sex in a casket.
Eventually Michelle, our brave heroine, and Roger the black guy are the only people left who aren't demons. Terrified, they try
to escape by running to the basement. I know that that's where I would go when trying to escape from a tornado...not so much
demons. Backed into a corner, they get a little creative with their self defense.
A freaking flamethrower? Sure. It doesn't work though. Demons come from the flames of hell...why would a flamethrower on
Earth do any damage to them?
So, I can't really remember what happens next but Roger and Michelle somehow make it back up to the main floor of Hull House,
where they are cornered again by the demons. What comes next is the best climactic sequence ever featured in a motion
picture. Please watch below.
Earth do any damage to them?
So, I can't really remember what happens next but Roger and Michelle somehow make it back up to the main floor of Hull House,
where they are cornered again by the demons. What comes next is the best climactic sequence ever featured in a motion
picture. Please watch below.
Perhaps breaking a window should have been the first course of action to take? Oh well. It's easy to criticize them, but I'm sure
if I had been in their situation I would have freaked out and lost my common sense as well.
After escaping through the window, they scale a brick wall (which was inadvertently HILARIOUS), and escape to safety. A
satisfying conclusion, if I may say so myself.
And just when we think the film is over, we cut back to Old Man Jones the next morning, who is eating an apple pie his lovely wife
made from the leftover apples from Halloween. After realizing the folly, Old Man Jones' throat is sliced open by the razors he
somehow managed to swallow and he dies at the breakfast table.
JACK'S TAKE: Overall, I would give Night of the Demons a C+. Not the best '80s B-movie ever. No boobs until 52 minutes, and
no blood until 55 minutes. In this day and age that simply won't do. Very entertaining dialogue though.
if I had been in their situation I would have freaked out and lost my common sense as well.
After escaping through the window, they scale a brick wall (which was inadvertently HILARIOUS), and escape to safety. A
satisfying conclusion, if I may say so myself.
And just when we think the film is over, we cut back to Old Man Jones the next morning, who is eating an apple pie his lovely wife
made from the leftover apples from Halloween. After realizing the folly, Old Man Jones' throat is sliced open by the razors he
somehow managed to swallow and he dies at the breakfast table.
JACK'S TAKE: Overall, I would give Night of the Demons a C+. Not the best '80s B-movie ever. No boobs until 52 minutes, and
no blood until 55 minutes. In this day and age that simply won't do. Very entertaining dialogue though.